My husband and I have tried to remain as a support system for our son, even when he was actively using. We have also intervened to get him medical help in the very beginning. His use of drugs started during the grieving process over the loss of his young child. He was depressed, drinking, using cocaine. He was suicidal at one point. Not a case of faking it, was very real and we almost lost him. In our case, I am grateful we had a strong connection with him at that time because he was so utterly sick that he agreed to get inpatient help when we insisted it was what he needed. It wasn't exactly a drug rehab, it was more of medically assisted retreat where he was given much needed counseling for the accumulation of issues he faced.
Then last summer he started using again, drinking too much, partying too much. His drug is cocaine. Cocaine and alcohol can be a deadly combination. our son suffered psychosis from the drug which the doctors think led to the most severe problems in the beginning. We think our son is clean now, and he is in counseling. Our relationship through all of this has remained mostly consistent. He is not dependent upon us in any way, has his own home, etc. But we are always available to him, and our door is always open as long as he is respectful to us, and our home.
I believe healthy support can have an impact in many positive ways. But it is a much more subtle approach. I also think you have to do it within your own boundaries and limits, otherwise you are not being true to yourself and it becomes a quest to save the other person. I think healthy support is more about showing respect, offering options that can assist the person in turning their life around if they want it. I think that is the key to much of it, seeing willingness in the other person, and just nurturing this to help it flourish.
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I'm sure your boyfriend is a good person. But please be careful if you are going to stay with him during this time when his non-drug use is so new. Cocaine has a very strong emotional pull. It alters the dopamine in the brain, it's not something that is fixed in a few weeks. I don't mean to lecture, but cocaine is a devastating drug. People can use it for years and it goes undetected because it is controlled. There can be periods of extreme use, and then back to the normal cycle. Psychosis can happen with no warning and a person can become completely disassociated with reality. A danger to themselves and others. It can also be very hard to tell when someone is using and concealing it.
His current girlfriend informed me a while back she thought he had used, was using again. She then said she wasnt sure. In the beginning of their relationship, he was still seeing many different women. Still using, drinking, partying. One of those girls ended up stealing his credit cards, charging tens of thousands of dollars, cutting him with broken glass. She was just sentenced to jail, which will be followed by a long probation. Her life won't ever be the same. His current girlfriend doesn’t have any clue to the extent he was involved with other women while with her and using. So please for your own safety: trust your instincts if you have any suspicions, and take care of yourself.