lizatola

He did. When we arrived for therapy, it was the first thing the therapist started talking about thinking that I knew about it. He was the one who encouraged AH to give it to me, not the other way around.

He also didn't want me to read the part about him complaining about the 'no sex' stuff but I told him to just leave it in there because I already know how he feels and it's not like it's new.

As to the initial sentiment of the letter, I immediately got turned off by it because in the first paragraph he makes mention to the therapist..."since I value your time and respect your efforts to help Liz, this struck me as potentially helpful." I almost felt as if he was trying to manipulate the therapist, not me.

When he mentioned he wanted to start with a clean slate, that was said in therapy not in the letter itself. Honestly, I was crazy defensive in therapy and we were at each other's throats at one point because I was frustrated at how he kept getting on my case for bringing up the past but then asking me for specific incidents where I was trying show a pattern of behavior. Then, I'd bring up an incident and he'd yell, "Well that happened in the old house? We haven't lived there in 2 years so that's way in the past!" UGH!!! I was getting angrier and angrier and very unhappy with myself.

The therapist agreed with my AH that I am angry but that my anger is justifiable and only directed at the situation with my AH. He made it very clear that AH's problem with anger is anger directed at everybody and everything that doesn't fit into his 'box of how things should fit into his thinking'. I then asked the therapist to tell me how to release my anger and he referred back to AH and said, "Well, he has to change to start the process of healing." Of course, AH says he's already taking down walls and he's willing to move forward and forget the past. I sat there thinking: it's not that easy to forget the past unless it's shown that the past isn't going to be repeating itself and unless someone is working on recovery in some way(on both sides obviously).

So, I came out of the meeting(and the letter) and said, "Same old, same old. Only time will tell." Then a few hours later I started questioning myself and wondering if he was being genuine since the letter was initially not intended for me. This AM I woke and realized, gee he might actually be manipulating the therapist too especially since the therapist has called him out on his behaviors and attitudes for months now. As AH has said before(way back in October), the proof will be in the pudding. To which I say, "Yes, yes it will and we will see."