Thanks for that legna, sad to say I have no problems in life that cause me to drink. My physical disability gets me very down sometimes due to the level of pain involved but that's just an excuse I give to justify my drinking rather than something that is a genuine cause of drinking. My life really isn't bad. I just think the alcohol snuck up on me, I would have 1 or 2 drinks, then a few times I got drunk and it just went from there. Before I knew it I had a dependency and I loved the taste of wine and beer and the feeling of being drunk.
But I've been sober a few times now, longest being 3 months and I'm trying to build on that success. If I did it once I can do it again.
I have a massive headache due to withdrawal and I know it will go away if I drink. But I also know that eventually I'll have to go through withdrawal and i'll get it anyway. I also know if I drink then the day after I will feel horribly ashamed. I've also noticed the physical pain I'm in is better when I'm sober for more than 2 weeks, it doesn't go away but it's noticeably better.