I'm sorry Nonsensical. I've been there. I still remember how craptastic i felt at the time. (July 17, 2010....). I'm happy to report it was also my 2nd to last binge.
I was disgusted with wasting 2 beautiful sunny days drinking in a dark room by myself, wallowing in self pity. The last one was shorter and i came to realize they would happen around the same time, every other month? Go figure, it made no sense to me... i'm a slow learner but i finally got it.
March 17 is a great day to start.
Google "kick the drink easily" by Jason Vale...it's a book, you can download a free sample.
Hope you feel better today.