It has been 4 months since I made my 'commitment' to get free from my addiction to alcohol. In AVRT terms it was the statement of my Big Plan. I went through a 6 week outpatient program which helped me 'detox' and get that amount of time separated from the Screaming Bloody Murder 'cravings' of the addiction-corrupted programming part of my Brain so aptly called The Beast.
Since then, in decreasing intensity and frequency, I have had a continuing cycle of addictive thoughts and impulses to drink, obviously generated by 'The Beast', and termed Addictive Voice in AVRT. I generally have the presence of mind to dissociate from these thoughts and cravings, and identify them as coming from the addiction-corrupted instinct-level processes of my Beast Brain.
However, even this morning, now that the incessant clamoring of the Addictive Voice of the Beast has subsided significantly, I again had scheming thoughts of drinking. In AVRT terms, and in a correct understanding of awareness and mindfulness, my Beast Brain was churning out the thoughts.
The specific situation is that I am going to be travelling on Business for a couple of days. Seemingly out of nowhere, these thoughts and impulses started churning, to a level of scheming and planning and calculating all the scenarios of how and when I could drink and 'get away with it' and not be found out. It continued with thoughts of justifying that 'I' could have a 'well deserved' drinking episode, that it would be a good time of 'pleasure', and it would not affect my 'Sobriety'. It was at this point when 'I' fully became 'aware' that this was going on, and that these thoughts and impulses were GAINING TRACTION. Almost like slowly awaking while coming out of a dream.
The alarming and significant issue to me, is that I HAD TO RE-VISIT the COMMITMENT I have made to SOBRIETY / ABSTINENCE and WHY I MADE THAT 'BIG PLAN'.
I would like to get feedback from others. I just believe I can't be the only person going through this.
Thanks, RDBplus3
