Guys (and gals), thank you so much for your support and kind words. I am just a huge emotional disaster crying my face off as i type this.
clight - you are so right, so much loss, no gain, FOR NOTHING! I accept that I ****** up, there was no one else but me.
I just can't say enough about how much more empowered I feel just with all of your kind and insightful words.
I see that this will change my life and I have proof - the success of you people!!
Thank you so much!!