My story
I've known for years that I have a problem with alcohol but I've been in denial about it. It was "just" having a few drinks on every occasion that you could think of. Lots of thinking about where the extra bottle would be when the "wowsers" stopped at one or two, lots of getting the empties out to the bin, circling around three bottle shops randomising where I bought from and not repeating too often.
But how could anything be wrong with me? I had it "under control", I kept my professional job/later running my own business, ran my house well, looked after an elderly live-in parent, cooked from scratch, had a good marriage, volunteered in two roles, had friends over and went there. (With the latter there would be a lot of thinking about whether there would be "enough" wine.)
Now that I'm in my 50s health problems have been coming home to roost. It's much harder to get up with the hangovers and they are getting worse. My most productive time was late morning after I'd eaten, before the afternoon crash of exhaustion came through. A few red marks have been appearing around my nose -- god knows I'm not a girly high maintenance woman but I have my pride.
A couple of weeks ago, although I had no injury, my left ankle became sore and angrily swollen. What if it was gout or something? There was frantic searching online. This, on top of my increasing irritation, lack of usual kindness and patience with my elderly parent, worsening headaches, bigger consumption all whirled before me.
I'm alcoholic and I need to stay sober all the time, not one drink, none. Now I am learning to live with that self-admission one tiny step at a time.