Oh, Mizzuno, I'm so sorry. I totally know how you feel right now. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe last week. My whole world was imploding, all because of alcohol. I can say this: my situation hasn't changed yet, but the world has kept on spinning. Go to a meeting, tell everyone what happened, open the door to them, and then let your mind be quiet. Let their words and their hope come in. You'll feel better when you leave, even though nothing may have changed other than your perspective. I still feel very fresh and raw, but I can see that things will get better. We just need to get out of the way of ourselves.