I'm sure I may get flamed but I'm really not sold on the disease theory of alcoholism....I'm also not sure that AA is the best or only way to address a drinking issue.
Disease or not, disrespecful bejhavior is unaccptable and must be adressed whether its through AA, SMART, counsling or a spirit quest. I think you have every right to resent and feel hurt by bad behavior whether it was caused by a disease or not.
I'm at a place where I've realized my STBXAH gets no "free" passes on behavior. His hurtful words hurt regardless of the cause. I can't feel less hurt or resentful because these are caused or not caused by a disease. The only thing I can control is how I handle the situation and how I respond.
Take care of you and deal with what's coming your way regardless of why.