I feel a bit disingenuous after getting a pm and rereading my last post. Let me just say that thoughts like:
Originally Posted by
legna 
Grief is what we add to what is taken from us; gratitude is what we add to what is given to us. Grief is not necessary. I very well may lose my wife but I am filled with gratitude, not because of what I may no longer have - but because of what I did have. Whether I have that tomorrow or not doesn't effect the joy that has been added to my life with her in it for all these years.
oscillate with thoughts that are decidely unhealthy. Please believe that I am not beyond violent visualizations... see, even writing this...it's too easy to go there in my head and the answer isn't there. Anyway, I'm wavering constantly...I just keep bringing my attention back to what I call my highest self.
I just don't want to misrepresent myself as not having baser instincts. I've got basement selves that would make a Christian prefer time with their idea of Satan rather than with me. I just try not to feed that part of me.