lonelygirl24

Its been a really long time since I visted the site......I really should have been on here way more looking for support.....there are so many that dont or cant understand what I am going through. I posted a thread almost a year ago, about my boyfriend (now ex) being adicted to adderall and me being pregnant. Well I took everyons advice and left him. Best thing I ever did. It let me realise how "off" he was. He threated me....often.......If he found out I was sleeping with someone else while I was pregnant with his baby he would kill us both...ect...ect..... Well I tried to keep things as civil as I could....told him to stop having contact with me. I wouldnt have it, I would get a restaining order and for the most part he backed off. he would wait a few months and then send a message just to let me know he was still there...waiting........that he had a lawyer and he would have his daughter......... Now I know there is no way he could ever legally take her away from me.....I have NEVER been in any kind of trouble........Have my own house, had the same full time job for 6 years.........he has NOTHING he could use against me. Well our daughter was born on Halloween Beautiful and healthy as can be, he came to the hospital and seen her and I told him as long as my dad was present he could come visit her on Saturdays for a couple of hours. He came twice and then had me served with papers. He wanted me to change her last name from mine to his, and wanted more visitation and to be able to leave with her. I cried for hours..........I didnt want it to come to this, I wanted him to come see her under supervised visitation and that was it. my BIGGEST fear is him leaving with her. So I got a lawyer. My lawyer has cut off all contact with him and he isnt allowed to see her until he passes a drug test. My biggest fear is he can fake it! some how pass a drug test or get a doctor to right him a script saying he is supposed to take loads of adderall and xanax. I just know she wouldnt be safe with him and I am in comeplete and total panic on the inside. How do you get through this? how do I stop going insane!! How do I convince the court it wouldnt be safe? these questions are constantly going through my head all the time.................I cant shake it.......I cant stop worrying.................I need help.....................I have talked to my friends and they just say stuff like I am sure he will clean up now. and I just cant believe he will change I have a horrible gut feeling and I cant make it go away I am sure I am over reacting but I dont know how to stop