Wife is ... well, she told me that she is at work. I had some recovery visitors... they have gone and I'm on my way to work. I'm lost. Thank you both.
I don't want to use just... I've heard people talk about willing themselves to death and that feels off right now...more like I have to will myself to not die. As if I stopped willing myself to not die, then I would just go. That's the why I asked about. Why am I not suppose to let go? I know now...she might need me, but if she dies or goes away for life... we've done a quarter of a century, don't think I have any more in me.
I'm not going to kill myself. But I'm tired. Sometimes I think that the only reason I'm still alive is because I'm too stubborn to die... but right now the only action that seems reasonable is to refuse to come out of the corner and tell the referee, "No mas."