shinebright7

My husband is out of town right now and when we talked last night on the phone it was the most honest he'd ever been with me about his addiction...

Saying things like he uses to help himself feel more confident and able to "make things happen" but it he always winds up over doing it.

And how he knows other people can take one pill every day and live their lives, but he winds up taking more than one pill and then mixing it with alcohol and getting in trouble...

And then how even though he likes that he gets confident and winds up being able to get things done, then the whole time is a blur to him and he doesn't remember who he was with or what he said and whether or not needs to be embarrassed the next time sees them...

And how it's a battle that he goes through in his mind...

And so many things that were so similar to things I've been hearing people say in the open AA meetings I've been going to. And things I've been reading in the AA Big Book.

I felt proud of myself for not interjecting and diagnosing and judging or anything...

I was really present and able to listen to him and was just wanted to hold the space for whatever sharing he wanted to acknowledge -- mostly so that he could hear it himself! Though I was grateful for that level of honesty too which I had never experienced with him yet.

We did talk about how his addiction is affecting our marriage and how the disease of alcoholism/addiction is progressive and our lives will continue to be more difficult if we don't both tend to our own recovery...

I don't know that it's his bottom that is going to get him serious about his recovery, but every instance of awareness helps, right?

Not getting attached to his doing anythign different - still really feeling my way through Step 1 and seeing how helpful it is to be taking care of myself with Al Anon materials.

I'm gonna make it!