Natsy

I am sick of hearing
" YOU NEVER SUPPORT ME"
" I WAS HONEST WITH YOU AND NOW YOU'RE USING IT AGAINST ME"
"YOU KEEP BRINGING IT UP AND FILIING MY HEAD"
"today is my first day not taking anything"

WHILE I WOULD LOVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE, YOU'RE IDEA OF SUPPORT IS FAR DIFFERENT THAN MY IDEA OF SUPPORT. I BRING IT UP BECAUSE JUST LIKE YOU, I SPEND MOST OF MY DAY THINKING ABOUT YOU, YOUR ADDICTION, YOUR LIFE, YOUR FUTURE, AND WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. NOT TO MENTION, WE HAVE A CHILD AND I NEED TO BE A MOTHER....A GOOD MOTHER!

WHY DON'T I SUPPORT YOU? 3 YEARS AGO, YOU CAME TO ME ON NEW YEARS EVE WHILE I WAS SHOWERING AND GETTING THE HOUSE IN ORDER FOR OUR PARENTS TO COME AND SPEND NEW YEARS EVE WITH THEIR NEW GRANDDAUGHTER. YOU WERE CRYING HYSTERICALLY AND SAID "I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN LIFE AND I NEED TO FIX IT". I did what any wife would do. I jumped out of the shower and held you in my arms and begged for you to tell me what was wrong. When you told me you spent every last dime of our savings and that you owed people money and that you were an ADDICT, what did I do? I didn't cry! I took a deep breath and I said "tomorrow is a new day." I asked you if you wanted to pick up the pieces. I asked if you felt strong enough. YOU WERE SO POSITIVE THAT TOMORROW WAS A NEW DAY.

3 years later, here we are again. You've spent hard earned money. You have no friends. You don't go out or go out with me. You might play with our child, but you don't play an active roll in her daily routines. You don't ask her how school was or what she learned. You don't try to teach her anything. I'm the mom and the dad. OH YEAH! NOT TO MENTION, WHEN ANYTHING BREAKS IN THE HOUSE, THANK GOD FOR YOUTUBE BECAUSE I AM NOW A PLUMBER, AN ELECTRICIAN, A PAINTER, A CHEF, AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS.

WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK, INSTEAD OF SAYING "THE HOUSE IS A MESS, WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY?" Maybe you should think first! Starting at 8 am, I'm bathing a child, teaching her, driving her to school, volunteering at school, trying to deal with bills and other house or property issues, doing laundry, helping our little girl take a nap, cleaning, trying to work, picking up after her, and the list goes on and on and on. OH YEAH! I SURVIVE ON ABOUT 4-5 HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT! WHEN THE WEEKENDS COME, I WORK FRIDAY-SUNDAY AND JAM ABOUT 30 HOURS IN 3 DAYS. I. DO. NOT. GET. A. BREAK.

NEXT TIME YOU ASK ME WHY I DON'T SUPPORT YOU, think about the damage you have done to me. I'm exhausted by your lies and you always saying "I'm not on anything?" You've only once told me you were on something. BY THE WAY....I'VE LEARNED WHEN YOU ARE AND ARE NOT ON SOMETHING SO I KNOW WHEN YOU ARE LIEING! I'm sick of you doing your every weekend detoxes only to be back on pills on Monday morning. I'VE SEEN YOU DEAD. I'VE SEEN YOU HOOKED UP TO MACHINES. I'VE SEEN YOU PASSED OUT IN THE KITCHEN WITH A POT ON THE STOVE.

I HAVE SEEN YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE AWAY ON PILLS.

"WHAT'S DID YOU SAY?" "OH! They are prescribed? Well does that make it ok? Last time I checked, doctors and drug makers were making millions at turning people into addicts. Last time I checked, these medications are boosting jobs. Now we have doctor made addicts who need doctor prescribed help to get off these drugs. I don't give a **** that they're prescribed. You can't have sex. You can't be a good husband. You can't be a good father." If you like this life. Than live it. I'm not doing it anymore.