Originally Posted by SweetPea

I'm glad I found this site. I've learned a lot on here and wanted to share my story for support and feedback.

I met my XBF 10 years ago while on vacation in another country. I ended up moving there and lived there for a year and a half. He was the love of my life. I was in my late 30s and knew he was the one for me. I knew he smoked pot but at the end I found out he was smoking crack too. I tried to stay because he said he wanted to get clean, but it didn’t happen. I moved back to the US. He would contact me every once in a while but I hadn’t had any contact with him in 7 years.

This past October I found him on Facebook and we began texting every day. It was like no time had passed and he was the person I always wanted him to be if there were no drugs. The spark was still there. He was in rehab and had been sober for 8 months. He moved to a Halfway House at 11 months sober. I went to visit for his one year sober anniversary.

He was able to stay with me in a hotel and we had the most unbelievable week. I let him talk about the future and make plans for us. I didn't want to be the one to mention it. I let him lead the conversations. I was so excited to have the man I loved more than any other back in my life. I was excited for a future that I had always dreamed of with him.

I came home and the plan was for him to stay in the halfway house for another 9 months or so. I would come visit every few months and we would begin to make plans for him to come to the US or me to move there again.

I was home for 5 days and everything was the same as it had been before I left. We texted all the time, told each other I love you, etc. The last bit of normalcy was that he texted me that he was going to a meeting and would text when he got back. I didn't hear from him that night and didn't think anything of it. The next morning I texted and said good morning. He replied that he was sorry he didn’t text me back the night before but something happened at the house and he was upset. Said he wasn't upset with me and that he would explain later. Didn’t hear from him all day or night. The next morning he texted me he was sorry but that he was angry and depressed and wanted to be left alone. He said again that something happened at the house and that he wasn’t mad at me. I didn’t hear from him for 5 days. This wasn’t normal for our relationship and I was very worried. I texted him a ton of times trying to get some response. I could see he was reading my messages but not responding. After 7 days he texted me that this wasn’t going to work out and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I of course was heartbroken and told him I understood but could we please talk. He said no, that he was too worried about his recovery. He said that he preferred that we maintain a distance and that I wouldn’t be hearing from him again. I said that sounds so final and please assure me that we will talk again. He texted back “we’ll talk”.

It has now been 7 days and I have had no contact with him. I just don’t understand what happened? Why? I feel like he went to the meeting and they told him that this isn’t good for him. I feel like the words he was saying were someone elses. I don’t do any drugs and don’t even drink. I only want the best for him. How could he just turn off those feelings after we had the most incredible week together? It was magical.

I feel so lost. I feel hopeless. I am depressed. I cry every day. I can’t believe that I could have such happiness and then have it all taken away again. I want an explanation and answers to my questions. Is that too much to ask for?