In my southern, rural, small town we were raised to be codies! I graduated HS in 1970 and we only wore dresses and skirts to school. The opinion was that, although you need to make high grades for HS, there is no need for a woman to attend college as she is 'just going to get married and raise a family'.
The family was your job and it was your responsibilty to take all the crap thrown your way and just deal with it. Divorce, for whatever reason, was unthinkable.
It was really hard for me to face the fact that I was a codie. I was only 'helping' my EXAH and then later my AS. Even Dr. Phil stated on his show that he did not believe there was such a thing as codependent.
I'm so glad the younger generation is breaking out of that mold. I know for a fact that my daughter, and granddaughters would never put up with what I did. They were not raised to think they had to, thank goodness.
I just heard a comment the other day by a senior, I have to, he's my son. No, he is a 40yo man that for whatever reason refuses to grow up and take responsiblity for HIS actions. Maybe someday she will put herself first for a while!
It's so good that you MIL realizes the situation and is trying to correct it - Gramma may never! It's hard to change!