He sought therapy...on his own
It's a step in the right direction. He hates who he has become. He hates what he has done to us. He has so many good intentions. He is my love, my life, and my other half. He has been with me through the good and the bad. He has walked with me when I needed him next to me. I've walked with him when he has needed me. The difference is....I was never addicted to anything. He tries to explain it to me, but I call him "weak." He tries to talk to me and I turn a deaf ear (I've heard it all before). I don't offer support. I don't try to understand. Why should I?
Today, I came home after dropping our daughter off and he had a therapist at the house. To my surprise, I needed that too. I needed someone to explain to me that his struggles are deep. I needed someone to explain to me that pills are a different beast from other drugs. He explained to me that it's in his brain. I understand....I think. I was surprised to learn that while my husband struggles, he has sought treatment over the past few weeks. He has good days and bad days. I've learned to recognize them. On good days, he is him. He is the man I married. On bad days, he is hyper, uninterested, gross, etc...
When the therapist left, I left too. I decided that he can sit by himself and think about his future...our future. It was hard to walk away...even if it is just for a few hours. He sent me an email about his feelings. I was sad to read about his inner demon. I don't like that ******* demon! He told me a story about the day he saw me. We were only 15. I was his first and he was mine. The day our daughter was born, he head my head while my insides were sitting on a table and all he could do was cry. He kept saying "thank you for making me a dad." Today, he said he wants to be that dad first before he can be that husband. That is all I've ever wanted. She adores him and he adores her. I just want him to experience it while not on pills. I want him to feel pleasure....real pleasure.
It's just a small step....in the right direction.