Hi everyone,
I talked to the Beav last night and he can twist me around his finger...believe that? All my talk here and I can still fall for him. I have learned to say "can I get back to you?" And Ward doesn't get it but I need to regroup after every encounter. He thinks I am keeping something from him and gets upset with me. I get so caught up in my thoughts and saying the next right thing that I am almost catatonic after I talk to the Beav.
He called last night and the conversation started out really well. He is moderating meetings now and he sounds good. Typically he then moves into wanting something and since he is not very original that is where the conversation proceeded. He has a day pass this weekend and wants me to pick him up. He wants to see
his son. (his inflection not mine). Now we have had the GS at our house for the last 2 weekends in anticipation of this pass and the Beav was not very forthcoming about exactly when it was going to be. So his son won't be here and the rehab is 3 hours from us...for a 12 hour pass.
I didn't immediately say I would be there so...he begins telling me how he has no one and no one does anything for him and everyone else there has family who cares. Bingo! Straight shot at the heart. So me? "Can I get back to you?"
I got off the phone and was catatonic...Ward got pissed and slamed the door on his way to bed. So much for the Cleavers!
I went to bed with the AA Big Book...the hard core, pulls no punches straight scoop. Lo and behold a thought begins to emerge.
I am being manipulated! And I am none too happy about it!
I got out of bed and wrote the Beav a letter. A loving supportive letter pointing out a few of the things that we
have done and how much I love him and want hin to rejoin the family. Maybe I will mail it and maybe I won't.
The other part of the conversation we had was about sober living after he gets out in 20 days or so. He wants me to call. Sorry can't do that...they don't want to talk to me anyway. He won't go to this town or that town...nothing that has been suggested to him meets his needs.
It takes me a while sometimes to "get" it but if I take my time and don't make a decision in the emotional moment I usually get a clear picture. He was doing some serious quacking and I still have to stand back to see it. This progam continually has me in awe.
Oh and he is on his last pack of smokes....guess I will have to run out and get him some...right? I already sent his coat, gloves, hat, two shirts, candy and toiletries, smokes, phone card, and a tax check of his that came to our house. Nope, we don't a thing for him.
Love to you all...and thanks for being here!
JT
