this is a big issue for me as well.
The first thing that came to mind for me was the story in buddhism where a master was in a room where a bird had flown in the window and was frantically trying to escape the room. The master clapped his hands. The shock of the noise caused the bird to fly out the window.
OK..I don't have the story exactly right...the point is that sometimes the seemingly unkind can be the kind action. When my understanding and kindness toward anothers problem doesn't "shock" them into the truth..I may actually not being kind...yet to push at the wrong moment isn't helpful.
I try to get past the "kind or cruel" "right or wrong" mindset and look at what is the next "indicated" thing to do...not the next "right" thing...the next "indicated".
Regardless of the results, it isn't the results that are as important as the motivation. Am I trying to do the next indicated action to be of service or am I seeking the carrot of being told I'm a "good" person?
I have little doubt that I would steal, cheat and lie to save the life of another in some cercimstances. It isn't a lack of morals...it's that karma means every action has an effect...and as a human I won't always get this right. Sometimes shoplifting dinner for your child is the next indicated thing...sometimes going hungry and making sure others in society know of this is the next indicted thing.
You brought up a lot of things that are part of what I think about daily. But I can't really talk about it without turning this political rather than adressing the question you ask.
Sometimes doing nothing is the answer...sometimes it's simply a cop out. Some might pray about it, but for me it is something to consider before action. I'm a buddhist and what I was taught is that sometimes we accept the burden of interacting in life to be helpful to others despite the burden that it puts on us....
Great robe of liberation
Virtuous field far beyond form and emptiness
Wearing the Tataghatha's teachings
I vow to save all beings
We never do this thing perfect...we just commit to recognize our connection to others and present our best efforts at "kindness" or any other concept.
Nands