my wakeup call
Its been a long time since I’ve been here. Things have been great. Single, alone with my 3 beautiful sons and for first time in my life happy and content. I have a life friends, all I’ve ever dreamed of. Started falling for my best friend, but unfortunately he’s still healing from his ex, so we are just friends (whole nother story).
My son, now 8 hasnt seen his dad in 2 years. Not talked in 18 months until 2 nights ago. I’ve heard he was doing better, in a program, working, medicated for BP, etc. He called, talked to our son. I meant to only say to him Thanks for calling him, it means a lot to him. An hour later, we talked too much. We never said goodbye so I gotta lot of stuff cleared up, lotta negative out. It was healing, but our feeling for each other are still strong, even though he has a girlfriend. He was my best friend, this is the sober guy I miss so much. Reality, how many other issues have really changed....not many. Now we are both messed up in the head. It was like talking to current spouses, not people divorced almost 2 years.
Hes calling our son tonight. (He lives 500 miles away). I need to tell him, please call D, but we have to limit our conversations to D. Next to originally leaving and staying away this will be hardest thing, harder cause actually speaking it to him, not running.
I still love him, he’d be back if I gave him the opening, he even said so. At least I know understand where my best friend stands in his head as hes going through same thing.
I plan to be here more now, to continue to heal, where I left off and tried to just burry.
Trying to get into therapist, but he's unavailable