Hi Lara,
I think as people we are always changing, evolving, growing… when this happens we see things from different perspectives. Ive read a lot of your posts about H and you. He has been in your life a long time, and in a way you have grown up together. You have been through a lot of tragedy in your family, and all of these things take time to process. There may be many things about H that you did not see, or did not realize the extent of. There are also probably negative things that you are envisioning that are not really so, because right now your in a place of sorting out your feelings and emotions, fact vs fiction. Its too soon right now, but at some point when all this settles I think that you will have good memories of H, and you will be able to accept the place he held in your life, and the gifts he did give you. All of this will be measured against who he is as a whole person, and if your paths are to be forever diverged then you will find peace in knowing you were meant to go your separate ways. I think you will also figure out in time what needs H met in your life and why.