My pet ego
I think why AVRT works is because, for me, it's common to recognize my ego on many levels and deal with how much I feed it. And on what diet it thrives.
I have the need for attention like anyone else. I try to be recognized for things or be told I am doing well. My ego needs that. I have learned that the voice that asks for that cannot ask for that all the time. That would be to much.
I cannot expect to be the only one in the room of many to be told good job. I have to shut my ego down and say ... Let others have their time.
Same goes with many of my egos needs. I allow myself to indulge and feed those needs within reason. If I don't life gets out of whack or people really don't want to be around the "egotist"
So I remain humble in just about everything I do.
With my drinking and drugs my ego dominated. I allowed it to consume the conversation.... If there was a conversation at all.
While I knew in other areas of my life I controlled that voice... Ego... I somehow let it loose with drinking. With that I did not require someone else to provide the attention or love or what ever my ego needed. It was me against me.
On the me to me level I was untethered by opinion. Who cares if my drunk AV was an egotist? It felt good to feed. With out provocation. Without thought.
But AVRT helped me see the ego...AV.. In me. See that I treated my drunk ego different from my love ego or my need for attention ego.
I essentially had a pet ego. Daddy's little boy. Who grew. To become a monster!
Getting a monster back into a cage is not easy. But doable. It's in the trickery.
"Here AV! Here boy.... Come to daddy?"
It's not that simplistic yet it is.
I don't drink. Me... Ken does not drink.
You know who does.
I hold the key to the cage. Well I used to. Think I lost it somewhere back there.
Oh well.