oh Lara, I am sorry for your pain and loss. I will keep you in my prayers. I find myself clinging to fantasy still. It is so difficult to let go of. I can totally relate to the caterpillar idea. don't forget that YOU are a butterfly, and not just any butterfly either. don't let your wings crumble girl. you got this. you are so strong. Im not sure why you held on to what I call "false hope" or why I did and still catch myself doing...maybe we want to see redemption win? Nobody wants to watch thier loved one drown in addiction. I don't want to know the truth either. I think its funny how cynical one has that signature "nice words aren't always true... true words aren't always nice" it sux. I hate it... but... its true... hugs