GerandTwine

I once caught a pesky rat in a squirrel cage trap and put the cage in a bin I had filled to the top with water to drown it. Unfortunately, the top of the cage just barely stuck out of the water and when the rat stuck its mouth up for air I had to poke it down with a stick. I recognized the mixed feelings I had as I drowned the rat, I had never done anything like that before or since. Squirrels and possums I had released far, far away, but not this pesky rat.

Caging the rat is like making a Big Plan, and watching and helping it die is like recognizing the AV. I wasn't worried it would get out and bother me any more.

If I were to say, I had made a big plan and was going to drink in two hours, it would be like saying I've caught the rat so it will never get out, and I'm trying to help it die quickly, but in two hours I'm going to let it out to pester me some more because I want to. That just doesn't make sense. IT wants to get out, but I don't want it to get out. I felt the sadness of death, but I had already decided it was not an emotion I would act upon.

When I realized I had caught it in the trap (made my Big Plan) I realized I did not have to be "annoyed" or "sick of thinking soo much about" catching it any more. After catching it (making my Big Plan) I actually felt a sense of relief and my goal changed to the much easier task of simply knowing I was never going to let it out alive. The AVRT equivalent would have been to let it simply starve to death; maybe go check it out in the cage trap occasionally to see how weak it was; not a real problem.