Originally Posted by
sobrietygrl4 
I would have been at 44 days today, but instead I'm back at 1. I am so sick with shame and self-hatred. What was supposed to be a relaxing night with the family swimming at a hotel turned into a two-day binge and me wrecking my car.
I'm afraid. I'm supposed to focus on the solution, not the problem, but all I do is create problems and disharmony with everyone around me.
I'm unhappy. There is this rock in the pit of my stomach and I look at my kids and my husband and wonder how I could do this to them over and over.
I don't ever want to be on Day 1 again. Insert giant eye roll here. How many times have I said this? Can it be true this time? Wrecking the car wasn't as bad as what I did to get my first 43 days of sobriety. I thought that jail/losing my kids/hurting my husband was as low as I could get. And it WAS! So can this be my bottom? If it's better than what happened last time, can it be? Because I want it to be! I want to be out of this personal hell that I have created.
I so wish that at every option, we would have made a different decision on Sunday night. I was feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time. Now it's all gone. I'm all out of chances, and I'm starting to run out of hope.
I'm sorry about your car. Hey you slipped after 44 days. Don't be so hard
on yourself. Now just say you had one slip up in 44 days. Don't feel guilty...your not going to DT as bad if at all. Self guilt over 1 relapse can lead to more. I'm on day 5 of sobriety and still going through DT's and practically no sleep. Alcohol calls when you least expect it. About three weeks ago I was turning in my drive way and overshot it and ended up in a deep ditch. I thought I was sober but alcohol was still backed up in
my system. I was fortunate not to have gotten a DUI and someone came a long and gave me a quick pull. But just resolve yourself not to drink again and keep moving forward with life. We are alcoholics...sometimes it takes several slip ups before you get it right.
Don't feel guilty...endeavor to persevere.