Outonalimb:
I get what you're saying. Earier today I was thinking about how many BAD DECISIONS I made when it came to my exah. I just kept making the same bad decision over and over again. And I have felt a sense of regret over it lately. I guess it's because I've really taken the focus of my exah and what he's doing (or isn't doing) and I've put the spotlight straight on me and my actions and decisions and it's kind of hard to be honest with myself and admit where I messed up (time and time and time again).
Yes, absolutely. And for some reason the stars keep aligning to throw the truth back in my face. Earlier this year I found out that one of my first love interests (not serious, but still) just received a life sentence in jail. Last week I found out that a high school boyfriend is cooling his heels in jail for crimes related to his alcoholism. It knocked me right off of my feet. I also have suspicions in hindsight that one of my more serious ex-boyfriends was a sober alcoholic and codependent, and I was too selfish, naive, and self-absorbed to pick that up at the time.
Here I've been believing that this or that bad relationship was an anomaly, because that's not me and I make good decisions and that's not my life. But this is actually my life. I don't know. The blinders are off and I don't like what I see.