Dalia

I am happy to report that I finally made it to the other side. I would like to express my gratitude to all of the participants of this forum. I am not a big poster but I want to post my experience because it may help another person. I spent quite a while in a 'trying to quit' phase, where I was trying to quit but knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't truly last. I read the RR book (The New Cure for Substance Addiction) and all of the AVRT threads and the ideas appealed to me. I just couldn't incorporate them. I kept reading about people reading the book or even just doing the AVRT flashcards on the RR website and having an "aha" moment. I tried to keep my mind open to it but it didn't quite speak to me, so kept reading and pondering. My drinking was getting worse and more depraved. The one thing I could see was that I couldn't think clearly being drunk or hung over. So I was going for strings of days until I had this feeling that it was inevitable for me to drink again and so then I would. Over and over. Then one day I was embarking a vacation with a few days of not drinking under my belt, which would usually be a perfect excuse for me to postpone the not drinking project until later. I was pondering some things written a thread started by Quinn Leigh (I think that's the name) and something Robby Robot said about this concept of "wanting it enough." Somehow a day or so later I saw myself from outside my body and I realized that in fact *I* didn't want to drink and all of the other feelings to the contrary weren't really me. I felt this incredible relief and I wanted to cry. I knew that *I* was done and the jig for *it* was up. I don't really know how else to explain it but that's how it was for me. So what happened since that day (more than 90 days ago)? Lots of things: vacations, stressful work situations, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, a big family birthday party, airline travel, etc. Guess what I figured out, no one can make me drink but me and *I* decided I'm done so, game over.

So if you are where I was and floundering around and "not getting it," don't worry about it, just don't drink and keep an open mind and keep pondering these concepts. Things that I read in the beginning didn't resonate with me in the beginning but did later. Keep at it.

Now a note on how I found happiness in my life post alcohol. Note that my happiness has nothing to do with my continuing to be a non-drinker. That decision has been made and can't be changed. As a non-drinker I will be happy, not happy or something else, but the drinking issue is behind me. I found happiness by embracing the concept that "life is not fair." Something my mom told me long ago. Drinking brought me a lot of misery but also brought me a lot of good times and fun too. This chapter has ended. At times this may make me feel sad, jealous of others that imbibe, nostalgic, etc. and all I have to do is endure these feelings. They, too, shall pass. And they do! It is up to me to find new avenues of "fun" and so I do.