I can believe I've gone this long without looking into what I'm dealing with. I guess I hoped the problem would just go away
Don't be too hard on yourself. For a lot of us, we dealt with it for a long time without really understanding what we were dealing with. For me, one day it clicked, and I felt so silly that I'd never put the pieces together before. Regardless, I figured it out, and finally got some semblance of peace in my life again.
Welcome, and please stick around.
