Hi cldh58 and welcome to Sober Recovery.
There are huge amounts of great information and support here. If you read the stickies (permanent posts at the top of the page) you will find all sorts of basic information.
One of the 1st things I learned here that really helped me was the 3 c's.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
There is nothing I can do to make my alcoholic wife want to recover, just like there is nothing I can do that will force her to drink. Drinking or not drinking is her choice. Working a recovery or not working a recovery is her choice. I don't get any say in it.
Pretty much she's own her own with that.
The only thing that I can do is work my own recovery.
Your friend,