Thank you Bemyself,
I have to say that there are many on this site who will be critical and condeming...but I just try to ignore that and focus on the support.
I think that support here can help me, but I keep waiting for someone to come along and tell me I'm full of crap and don't really want or try....but no reason to dwell on that...if it happens I'll deal.
I feel better this morning, for whatever that is worth LOL. And I am organizing and taking action...some will take time. I'm re-evaluating my ethics about all this...keeping in mind that I really do need to take the dogs to the vet, get my teeth cleaned (lost 3 teeth so far though it isn't "visable"), get some pots and pans, the list goes on and on of basic care that I needed my tax money for......but if i don't get it I don't get it.... consult the lawyer, be honest (he seems to be ethical but also concerned about my basic needs).
I just want to take care of the basics...I could just give up the dogs...but the bottom line is if I do...it's the "pink juice" for them (euthinasia ... they would be put to sleep within a few days if no new home was found...plus I would hate myself for giving them up). I can keep loosing teeth...I'm actually ok with that...dentures are cheaper over the long hall lol). The plumbing issues aren't overwhelming...I don't think...just some mopping up and possible rot.
It's not like I can't go to the Doctor if I'm ill, although I might again not be able to pay the bill. The tax money was just to take care of the things I couldn't pay for during the year cause I live paycheck to paycheck. I'm mad at the creditors cause they wouldn't accept what I could pay (for the rest of my life)...they wanted amounts that wouldn't allow me to put food on the table and the bills are ALL medical...no other outstanding bills.
Regardless of how they wouldn't work with me and wanted (each one) to have me pay 1/4th of my monthly income to them....I have to balance that they did provide a service (no matter how ineffective or poor it was) and so perhaps it's ok to pay part of the bills by surrendering my tax return...I just worry about all the daily/yearly maintance of life home and health that won't happen if I loose that money.
OK...so thats a rant.... LOL
I feel a bit better cause I realize I am only responsible to look at what is the best option for me, my family, my dogs....The creditors will have lawyers to look out for their interests and a "nuetral party" will make the decision within whatever laws they have in the state at this time...All I can do is not lie, not cheat, be honest and have a backup plan to deal with daily needs if things get worse
All this whining, but I feel pretty upbeat about it today...won't move on this till Monday and don't sign off on the tax issues till next thursday...
And I didn't let this push me into a drinking binge! Just gonna hang tough for a while longer.
Nands.