Old 02-06-2013, 08:52 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
What very interesting responses! I'm thinking a lot of them over.

So, then, what is the difference between having "expectations" and expecting someone who makes a promise, someone who makes a commitment, to keep that commitment?

If a spouse promises in the marriage ceremony to "love, honor and cherish" his or her partner, haven't they then committed themselves to a certain standard of behavior?

In a legal contract, when two parties agree to the terms, and one party defaults, the other doesn't get chastised for expecting too much. It is never framed that one party had "expectations" and when the other party breaches, the party with "expectations" should have known better than to "expect".

Why are we exempting emotional commitments from the performance rigor we expect of legal contracts?

I can understand that we, as the wronged party, may end up more emotionally healthy when we move on from "expecting" our alcoholic partners from behaving in any normal manner.

But it is still a breach of promise on their part, no matter why they did it, no matter how ill they may be.

I have an gut feeling that I can't quite articulate yet that this question may really matter. There are a lot of "victims" in lives entwined with alcoholism. It almost seems that "expectations" and "victimhood" are part of the emotional underbelly of living with this disease that get us so off-track from what is fair and what is not fair.

Part of being co-dependent is not recognizing who owns what. That doesn't happen in legal contracts. So I am wondering how this all ties together, if it does.

ShootingStar1

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