Hi Lenina and Received,
thanks so much for responding to my rather torturous post :-)
I have great respect for you and many others who do stay sober, truly. And, btw, you each write / speak perfectly clearly!
I think Lenina remarked / wondered if I was sort of confused (to summarise) between AA and AVRT etc. I don't believe I am confused, or sort of strung between, the different approaches. I certainly WAS, a while ago; but now, I am clear in myself that the sheer blinding clarity of AVRT cuts through all the other confusions endemic in the 'recovery industry' if I may use that term. Several posters in this section of SR have used terms like a 'smart bomb' / laser' for AVRT; you know, like one for one's own mind.
For it is IN one's own mind / brain wherein the Beast hangs out. I discovered this - even before I really got into the AVRT threads here, and before I finally got and read the RR book, which was only about a week ago. Even during mid- and late-2012, I'd seen a truth (for me) that - even after coming home (for example only) from a meeting, which often had been 'good' for me - there I was, just 'wanting' / 'deciding' to drink. [To parse that: once all the to-ing and fro-ing of what I later learned was addiction ambivalence etc was / is noticed......I could feel, really feel, the decision To Drink. Gross! In Step parlance, I used to think, oh it's the disease etc. Most recently however, I know it's AV: IT!
Received: thanks to you too for concern, much appreciated! In one aspect, I get what you mean about over-thinking; indeed, I spend a lot of my days practising letting thoughts go, etc as per meditation and mindfulness. However, I do accept that thinking - a great deal - is just part of who I am! Indeed, what I so appreciate about SR people is that fact: we think..and then write about what we're thinking, often in wonderfully compassionate and eloquent ways. I love the thinking SR community!!! And, when all is said and done, AVRT in particular is solely about our 'thinking'. Hence the overall notion of Rational recovery.
maybe I'm just too ir-rational, as it were, at heart?! I don't know. I'm just glad to be part of this community, and the more support and thoughts coming my way, the better!!!
Thanks, crew.
Vic
