Hi everyone :-) Thanks for all the well wishes and support! I think my problem might be putting too much pressure on myself and not giving myself enough down time to relax, which always led to drnking to 'unwind' from a hectic day. Even when I had the flu, I felt bad for taking a day off from work and asking friends for help. Asking for help has always been a problem for me. Somehow I delude myself into thinking that it makes me inadequate when I now know that it doesn't make me weak but hopefully make me stronger.
My new goal: start asking for help and start taking the time to make the sober me better.