What a fantastic thread! Thanks, MTN, for getting it started, and thanks to everyone who has contributed to the conversation. AVRT makes more sense to me every time I am able to read through conversations like this, and I really appreciate that everyone on this thread has been so respectful of one another and good about moving the conversation forward.
Originally Posted by
MyTimeNow 
I had CBT many years ago for low self esteem... I think it worked to some extent but it's probably something I need to look into. Do you have any recommendations meditation wise. I've never meditated or really taken time out to think about my thinking. I wouldn't really know where to start.
Originally Posted by
MyTimeNow I've been really wanting exercise to be part of my life for some time now so I've snuck downstairs to have an hour (ok maybe half an hour) on the cross trainer that's in my front room that has been doubling as a clothes horse for far too long. I actually really fancy going for a walk but 1) I can't leave the house and 2) it's still dark and I'd probably get mugged!
Originally Posted by
MyTimeNow I do need to love myself a lot more. I'm told I'm confident, funny, beautiful, engaging, witty and - one thing I do hate - amazing. Why? Because I can wield a drill and change the oil in my car? Nobody else is going to do it.
But I give in to the AV at the end of the day because I don't have any belief in myself or much love for myself.
Regarding CBT and loving oneself, I've been working my way through a book I've found to be really helpful in addressing my years-long "need" to beat myself up--which led to drinking, which led to beating myself up more, which led to more drinking, and so on... It is David Burns'
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. It is astonishing to me how many of my thought-processes have been addressed in this book! And, as I said last night in chat, it wasn't until I learned to be kind to myself that I ever got any handle on sobriety.
I've also learned that I tend to do my best meditating while exercising. I feel the best release through meditation on the elliptical trainer, probably since I'm not having to worry about 1) tripping, 2) stepping in something nasty, or 3) getting mugged on pre-dawn walks or a) getting a charlie horse while engaging in the downward dog. In other words, it's a relatively safe place to let my mind do its thing. But the walks and yoga are good, too!