Originally Posted by Fallow

Great thread here I got lots out of this. Thanks MTN. The above quote is my whole reality. I forever externalized my 'desire' to quit whether for a finite period of time or on occasions I would consider quitting forever.

I read RR and enjoyed it but read it as a novel. I could not at that time believe my Big Plan. I didnt believe it because i was still in fear of my AV. All of my being still wanted and accepted the desire to drink sometime in the future. I noticed this at the time and should have continued to explore but I got complacent, and drank again.

France was it for me too. I said to myself, what if you are in Bordeaux... You're not going to taste the wine?! Impossible!

So I kept on drinking in the here and now.

The day I woke up with my final hangover I internalized my addiction. The sincere desire to quit was present. It had appeared to be present in the past externally. I never knew there was a difference. Sounds silly but I had to feel it for myself. And I did. My Big Plan was made at that moment without argument.

I made the decision. Drinking is no longer an option. This is a relief like I never felt before. It happened way faster than I ever would have believed.

Now that Ive walked out of that prison I have the chance to work on how I choose to live.