Left my ex 8 years ago. I had to stop and count the time before I wrote that. Al-anon and SR helped me put my life together again. Ex and I will email now and then. When the kids have trouble, clean up some old money issues, and that's about it. I've heard that she found a new guy, not one of the three married ones that were the last straw in our marriage. Heard she moved.
And that's about it. I've moved on.
The other day I get a long email from her. Would I like to go on a road trip with her to go see my mom for her 100th birthday?
Road trips were one of our special things we used to do. Hop in my pickup, toss her wheelchair in the back and off we'd go all over the west side of the USA. Sometimes a week, sometimes a couple months. We'd visit friends and customers along the way, it was the best of times.
After 8 years of minimal contact all of a sudden she wants to get back in the groove like nothing ever happened. No mention of "gee, I'm sorry I ran around with married men and asked you to butt out", how about "I know it's been a few years, can we talk?" or maybe " I hope life has been good to you, can we have a few minutes to talk about all the hurt that happened?"
Nope. None of that.
I just don't get it. What kind of insanity is this that can twist a person's mind like that? Never mind, I don't _need_ to get it. I just need to be grateful I'm out of that mess.
No, I'm not taking my ex on a road trip. Yes, my Mom is going to be 100 but her mind is long gone. She no longer recognizes me, or anybody else for that matter. I'll go see her when I've scheduled, and I'll go by myself, thank you. No, I'm not going back to my ex, am not even going to try. I'm not looking to repeat my past, I'm looking to my future.
"no" in "no contact" is about as simple as it can be. Crazy people with addiction problems are _not_ where I want my life to be. There's a whole big world out there and I'm not done checking it out.
I sent my ex a polite email back, thanked her for thinking about my mom and hoped life is treating her well. Thank you SR and al-anon, for teaching me how important "no contact" is for my recovery, and for giving me a life with a future instead of leaving me stuck in the past.
Mike
