I have learned to ignore it. Mostly. Sometimes I don't, and that's when I look back afterwards and know he got me.
I know denial is part of the disease. I also know it is easier to continue to deny something than to admit that you are wrong, you lied, whatever. I said something to him once, that I don't know whether he really doesn't know what he is doing or he is using it as an excuse. He said, probably a little bit of both.
The worst part of having a significant other who is not drunk all the time anymore is that they make so much sense when they are sober, and they make no sense at all when they are drunk. It was easier to dismiss everything when they were drunk all the time.
But I totally know what you mean about cutting deep. And I am no better myself, because I am one to hit him right back where it hurts myself. I lash out, because he hurts me. I am trying to stop it, because then it just fuels the drunken fire, and we both walk away feeling crazy.