It is obvious you still love this man and you love your family you have together.
And that alone seems like a good reason to give this another 100% try. You see, I couldn't say those things you said above about my now ex. I didn't have the same feelings you had in the end of my marriage to my alcoholic. I was too full of contempt, as was he, to even move forward on anything. It was doomed, and the last act of kindness I could do was to let him go. It hurt like hell, but it was the right thing to do.
But your situation is different. And maybe, just maybe, he has had an epiphany here. Losing a parent is rough on all of us - it makes you grow up fast - regardless of the kind of relationship you may have had with that person. Maybe he has realized he has some areas that need serious work! But you'll never know that unless you try. And trying requires a change in mindset for you. It means shutting the door on ending the marriage and focusing completely on sustaining it.
You can do it without losing yourself. You can be wary without being withdrawn. You can act in your own best interests while also acting in the best interests of the family. It's a balancing act, but one that is achievable if you are self-aware in your actions and intentions.
You speak often of your faith - now is a good time to have faith that more will be revealed. But I also believe you have far more power here that you recognize. I don't doubt that your husband has put you through hell. But I do believe even the most messed up person can grow and change, if committed to it. But the only way to find out if he is committed is to allow him the freedom to do the actions, knowing he has your support.
Sorry if I came off as harsh yesterday, but all the overwhelming doubt in this thread has me a little turned off. So always remember to take what works for you and your family and leave the rest, ok?
And P.S. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. There is a difference!