Justshy

So my RAH who is currently living in an apartment just came by to pick up the kids. We are still not having real conversations yet. We talked for about 10 minutes and while it still ended with me in tears, I feel it was somewhat productive but I still don't quite understand. He said that he is broken and needs to fix himself. He said I am broken and need to fix myself. He knows what is wrong with him-he is an alcoholic. He is going to meetings and has a therapist. My problem is I am a codependent. I cannot afford a therapist. My insurance does not cover it. He has a tangible recovery-he is not drinking. I cannot see anything tangible for myself. He says I am self centered and only concerned with ME. When I say I don't understand, he says yeah, that's the problem, you don't even see what you are doing. He said our relationship is toxic. He said walking into our house is the same as walking into a bar....it makes him want to go drink. When I ask for a better explanation, he says I need to figure it out for myself. How do I do that? He said that he has his own problems and he cannot take on my problems...that is the problem with "us". This post is kind of all over the place because I can't even think clearly right now. I am going to al-anon...but he isn't actively drinking or living with me and I kind of feel like I had dealt with the "alcoholic" stuff for the past 5 years so I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to fix about myself. How do I figure that out?