Liz, From reading many of your posts, I think you are getting more then you realize or can even admit, at this point, from your "marriage." It is fulfilling a need (negative and/or positive) for you somehow.
I spent hours upon hours for months complaining about my husband but doing nothing to change it. I had a bad case of "if only he would or wouldn't's." It wasn't until I got really honest about ME, and stopped blaming him for everything that went wrong in my life, was I able to make real changes. I had no idea how much I liked playing the victim because it was great distraction from my own issues and honestly addressing them.
My therapist and I agreed we would only talk about me during our sessions for a while, and that helped a lot. I remember when she said "wow, it's been 40 mins and you haven't mentioned his name once." I had never realized how much he consumed my thinking until I changed it. That's when I started to make progress and reclaim myself and my life.