Just a little thought blurb I had reading this. Forgiveness. You mention that you have read so many books on forgiveness... In my own experience forgiveness has very little to do with the other person. It is a state of peace you reach within yourself. I know for me, there was not a book in the world that could make that happen. And it is ok if you can't forgive yet. In my situation, it happened after years of struggle and it happened quietly without me consciously willing it to.
Good luck with this. Sounds like a fraught situation...