@outonalimb - I totally agree with you. "Withholding" (I hate to even call it that) physical intimacy in an alcoholic relationship isn't manipulation. When you lose that emotional intimacy and you essentially lose your partner to alcohol, any physical intimacy during active drinking cycles equates to sleeping with the alcohol, not your loved one. I haven't truly seen my husband in years. This thing I've been living with is not him, and I don't like it, so I'm sure as hell not going to sleep with it! Has it been difficult & has it put an additional strain on the relationship? Yes. But I'm better off dealing with that than with the shame & regret that inevitably would come afterwards.