Withholding sex to punish, or promote desired behaviour, is manipulation.
Performing sex because of guilt, or because people tell you that not performing sex is manipulation, is being manipulated.
Not performing sex because you don't feel in a healthy place, and / or you don't feel the relationship is in a healthy place, is, IMHO, healthy.
You are digging and probing and coming to some realizations at your own pace. That is good.
And yes, do what you need to do, to come to your decision. Just realize, that if it comes to endless agonizing over the decision, that is a decision.
Wishing you well.