lizatola

We've covered my fears in other threads; fears of abandonment, fear of raising a teen alone, fear of financial problems and security, and honestly I have a lot wrapped up in 18 years together along with my patterns of behavior.

What is good for me right now is that I didn't fold yesterday. Earlier in the day right when we got back from the airport I was outside playing with the dog and he came out and hugged me. He whispered his love you's and miss you's and then I said, "I love you too, but we have a lot of work to do." He struck back with, "What's that supposed to mean?" It was then that I realized he doesn't get it, he has no idea how to empathize with anyone else but himself.

And, yes, I saw the manipulation for what it was. He, himself, has said months ago that actions speak louder than words. It's time for him to follow through on what he says. He did tell me that he is going back to his therapist next week and he also told me that he confided in his childhood friend while in MD about the whole story including the DUI and the jail time. This is the friend who was active in AA 20 years ago when we met and whom AH claimed he would confide in but never did. So, I see a bit of action. His friend and I touch base regularly and he did back up AH's story. Now, does this all mean change is afoot? Not necessarily. But, I do see it as a sign that he is seeing 'something'. He did tell me that he's afraid to live the rest of his life alone, and of course I empathize because that's one of my fears(not a spoken fear but a fear that must be there because I'm still here in this marriage, right?).

Also, OUtonalimb said exactly how I've felt over the years regarding being physically intimate and then regretting it in the end. I told AH I will not go there. I told him that my actions are to protect myself and that from now on I will do things when they are right for me, not when they please someone else. His response? Hmmm, I've never thought of than, I'll have to think about what you've said. Oi vay!