You can't fix him. He can't fix you.
Earlier today something reminded me of a book I read before leaving my abusive XH. It's titled "Love is a Choice" and is about codependent and unhealthy relationships. I remembered marking passages in it and sharing them with my XH, whom I loved deeply and still care for. He told me straight up that he liked being codependent, he was happy with things as they were, and he had no intention of changing. That was my "eureka" moment (though unfortunately I didn't leave right away and more damage was done to me and to my children.) I did leave later that year though. I drove away still loving him, partly to make a decent life for my kids and partly to make a decent life for ME. Sure, I had second, and third and fourth thoughts about it, grieved over the loss (of the semi-comfortable reality and the wonderful "could be, if only") and came terrifyingly close to letting him talk me into going back.
You know what? That was almost 15 years ago and that man has changed very little. He married a woman who is so much like the old me that she could be my sister ~ maybe even a twin. Medication (and a wee bit of personal growth) has helped him be less angry and violent, but he is still the same core person he was 30 years ago.
I'm so thankful I haven't wasted the last 15 years of my life trying to fix something/someone I can't fix and sacrificing my own life and sanity in an attempt to do so.
God does not call us to be martyrs, or to think we're so powerful we can change other people and make them something they're not, but he does call us to have joy in him, to have peace, to have strength...to have courage. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot--for quite a while. But he is also our comforter, and we do learn through trials.