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Old 01-31-2013, 10:29 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
LaTeeDa
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
I'm really praying that I'm ready to hold some boundaries and to ask him to earn his way back into my trust circle(for lack of a better term).
See, in my experience, it's this kind of thinking that perpetuates the cycle. So you say to him, you have to earn back my trust. And he says, what do you want me to do? And you give him a "list" of all the stuff he has to do to earn his way back. Then, he does all the things on your "list." But, you still don't trust him because he is just going through the motions, checking things off the list, trying to get you off his back. Then he says, you're impossible to please, I did all the things you asked me to and you still don't trust me. Then he blames you for moving the goal post and takes no responsibility for his actions or lack of. And around and around it goes.

Instead of asking him to do anything. Telling him what he's "doing wrong." Why not just observe how he behaves when there are no mandates to follow? Is he trustworthy? Does he make a good partner? Is he willing to do the right thing even without you telling him what that is?

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