Well, after much prayer I broached the subject of my husband's alcohol habit/addiction to him this evening. (Even though the doctor had told me to wait and let them talk first.) We talked a couple of hours, and I found out this has been going on almost 38 years--since he could legally drink.
He actually thanked me for caring enough to notice, be concerned and talk to him about it. And he's going to talk to our doctor about how to get sober safely. (He said he would just go cold turkey, but after finding out how long this has been going on I asked him not to ~ there could be serious health risks.) His grandfather was a "sloppy" alcoholic and both brothers are pretty serious alcoholics as well. His reasoning for the tight grip he's kept on this--limiting the hours, being so careful etc. are somewhat due to how he remembers his grandfather, and fear of things getting as bad & out of control as it is with his older brothers.
I was scared to death and really expected a lot of denial and some backlash, but there was none of that. It was grace infused. Very. (When I tried to talk to him about his drinking a few years ago he was VERY defensive and it went badly with hurt feelings on both sides.)
I know this is just a start... but at least it IS a start.
I SO appreciate all the insight, wisdom and support shared here. It's been incredibly helpful for me and helped me make this tiny step forward.
