Dear AtaTotalLoss, first, I want to say how much I admire your motivation. Just the fact that you are trying different meetings and reading a book that is difficult (emotionally) for you is proof that you are wanting change and willing to do some self-examination. It takes courage to do this.
You might also consider adding a one-one counselor to your program for right now. One that is experienced in the areas that trouble you.
sincerely, dandylion