Seems like one min I am ok and at peace with the decision I have to and had made and the next min I am in an almost full blown panic attack. Im dealing with it though I suppose a second at a time. I still havent made anymore calls, I am stalling and scared to call the hotline. I dont know what to say, the thought of an outsider scares me a lot. He is still drinking of course. The first night just a couple and last night it doubled. By the end of the week the mr perfect will have completely faded and tension will start building again. I feel like even with the little progress I've made, that I have still let him get by with it again. He thinks all is well and we have made up or something which is my fault for not expressing.my real feelings and just putting on a face like everything is fine. I realized last night that I have spoiled him, let me get by with murder so many times that when I dont he blows up like a rebelious teen. Its just scary to know that when I do stand my ground that it could end very very bad. It will be ok while he is sober during the day but at night once he is drinking he is going to be a very dangerous person. It really is a big mind @#$% that he isbso rational and normal during the day and plain crazy when drunk. It builds a sense of security that isnt real and then your still shocked when its ripped from under you no matter how many times it happens. Baby steps I suppose, maybe I will gain the courage to call today. I also must find a job like yesterday.