Hi Liz, What caught my attention in your post was that you said you wanted "normal" ~ but it doesn't sound like what you've been dealing with is normal at all. Familiar maybe, but not in a healthy way. My first husband wasn't an addict (unless rage counts) ~ he was an abuser. It was shocking to me after I finally got away and literally moved to the opposite coast that there were times I missed the former familiar things, even the bad ones sometimes. It's stressful to have so much change going on at once, even when it's for the best.
Are you familiar with the DV cycle of violence? Tension building, incident, calm, honeymoon period ~ repeat. Looking into that cycle and "power play" may be helpful and help you build on your inner strength and resolve even if DV doesn't apply in your situation.